As I type it's a few minutes to 5pm, Friday evening.
One morning in April 2001, along with a
number of other colleagues, I was asked to hand over my company pager and mobile
phone, retrieve a few possessions from my desk, and leave the
office
where I worked for an American investment firm, at the top floor of the
Canary Wharf tower. I continued to be employed, and paid, until the end
of June 2001, but for security reasons, I wasn't required, or indeed
permitted, to attend the office, or work in any capacity.
Although this still seems like an amazing statement, I haven't done a
single day's work since that morning in 2001. It's been a remarkable four years.
I remained
in London initially. My old company had kindly provided me with a large
sum of money as part of a separation package, and I was happy to
continue
paying the rent on my flat in East Dulwich for a while. I had always
loved
living in London, and now, unfettered by the tedious and occasionally
stressful concerns of investment banking technology, I had much more
time to enjoy life in
the capital city.
I settled into a leisurely, comfortable routine. I would lie in bed until about
11am, then get up and make fresh-ground coffee and toast while listening to Ken
Bruce, then Jimmy Young on Radio 2. Sometimes I'd walk to
North Dulwich railway station and take a train to London Bridge, then
the West End. Occasionally I'd attend the outplacement consultancy with
which I'd registered, and use their facilities at their offices near St
Pauls to browse the various job websites. I'd take a train to Charing
Cross station and stroll along Fleet Street to get there, taking in a
coffee shop on the way - or I'd take a train to Blackfriars; it was
only a two-minute walk from there.
Unsurprisingly, one of my most vivid memories of that time in
London is
of September 11th, 2001; although I'd seen the pictures of the burning
tower as the first newsflashes broke, the enormity of what had happened
didn't sink in until an hour later, when, while listening
to my car radio as I arrived at Sainsburys, a news presenter
reported that the South tower of the World Trade Centre had collapsed,
unable to keep the emotion from his voice. I remember too the dismay of
the following days and weeks, as it became obvious that the US
government was determined to exacerbate the situation which had led to
the attacks, and that our own government was determined to help them do
it.
Eventually, I decided that it was no longer prudent to be
simultaneously paying a mortgage on my house in the Midlands and rent in the capital city, and I
reluctantly abandoned my South London flat in February 2002, to make a 'tactical withdrawal',
as I optimistically termed it at the time, to Derby.
The rest of 2002 was an unhappy time, really. Living in Derby requires
a difficult adjustment after life in London; my frequent journeys to
the
West End to
stroll along Piccadilly or Bond Street were replaced by a walk through
Derby
town centre, a much more mundane prospect. To make things worse, my old
friend and colleague in Derby, Shaun Appleby,
died after an operation following a long illness - one of the few
things which helped to make the idea of moving back here less
unbearable was the anticipation of seeing more of Shaun, so that was
hard to take.
I spent my time
straightening out my house - I hadn't lived here since 1994, and it was
now jampacked full of stuff I'd brought back from London; I could
hardly move from one room to another without climbing over something. I
bought a desk and turned my second bedroom into a study, then started
to spend far too much time glued to the Internet, taking part in
discussion fora, arguing over US foreign policy belligerence, or
over the relative merits of this Rush album or that.
Since then, each year has dissolved into the next at alarming speed. I remember 2003
mostly for the Iraq war and discovering BBC Radio 5Live, which I've
spent hours listening to every day since. In 2004, I studied for a
professional certification in networking, and Rush, my traditional "favourite
band" toured the UK for the first time since the early
'90s. I met a charming Finnish girl a year ago, and visited
Finland twice, as I've recorded in this weblog; both very happy occasions. But mostly, these
last years have passed in
a sort of blur of Internet activity while listening to 5Live,
punctuated by occasional visits to the shops.
This has been a strange limbo period, coloured by
a degree of numbing
uncertainty over my future. I feel almost as if
I've sleepwalked through it. My overriding memory of this time will
be of waking up wondering what on Earth I was doing in an anonymous
housing estate at the edge of a dull provincial town, with nowhere to
go, asking myself how it had come to this. Yet I can't deny that I've
appreciated all the time to pursue my interests, and especially not
having to set an alarm clock - being able to lie in bed
listening to the radio in the morning, then get up and make fresh coffee and toast
without needing to glance at a watch has been a precious privilege, and
I'm sure I'll miss it.
On Tuesday I will be taking up a new position with a technology
outsourcing company. I'll still be in Derby, 150 miles away from
London, and my new job is rather different from my old career there; it
doesn't offer a huge salary, or frequent business trips to New York,
Europe and the Far East. Nonetheless, I feel that a chapter has closed.
I start work immediately after the weekend and bank holiday, so these
are the very last minutes of my mid-life sabbatical.
It's 5pm. It's all over.
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You are reading It's Over, posted by james on 26 08 0517:00.
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